Everything was OK until a few days ago. All of a sudden I don’t understand what’s going wrong. I’m having another one of my mood swings. Feeling depressed, anger, lost, irritated, frustrated all together. It’s a phase where I hate everyone and everything and why, even I have no idea. I want to just spoil all the things all the relationships. I want everyone to hate me.
I want to go home, see my family. I guess I am homesick but I don’t know if I’m ready to go back, just yet. How did I go from being ambitious to having no dreams at all now?? A few years ago I knew what I wanted from life. I knew that I wanted to come to Australia. I would dream about it all the time. And my dreams unfolded, just like I wanted it to. But I feel so insignificant now. I feel so unwanted. I hate myself so much that I don’t even like my own company.
What is wrong with me?? Why am I feeling so low???? Why am I so confused about everything??? It’s like you know the rights things, you know the right ways, you know what you ought to do but you delibrately choose to go the other way. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy????
I don’t wish to talk to anyone about it, because I feel they perceive me as being the problem child. They may think that, this is another one of her tantrums to make things all about her, to gain attention. She’s so self absorbed. She’s all she thinks about. Hmmmm…… it shouldn’t really matter what people say and how they think, but it does affect (not that anyone has said or done something recently that I’m hurt about).
Damn it I’m off
Filed under: LIFE
